somewhere over the rainbow;
Monday, February 26, 2007

i really dunno wad's got into mi these days. I feel rather suffocated.This post may seem a little haughty to some. But i am not gonna care - I just wanna write wadeva that comes into my mind these days that i am having difficulty suppressing.

I just dun get it. Though in my earlier post, i said that i yearn for love to show up soon in my life.But not to the extent of being desperate. But now.. i am real frustated with my personal life. Let me put this clear. I want love. Yes, i do. BUT i dun wan it from those that i have absolutely no interest in! I am not gonna mention the person whom is involved here. He may have access to my blog. But i dun care.

Here i am suffering. I just simply dun understand. I already made my stand crystal clear that i have totally NO interest in him and that it is simply impossible between mi and him but why is he still troubling mi with his confession for the number dunno wad time. I already gave him the coldest treatment that i have ever gave to a guy and that i had quarrelled with him over it. Vulgarities from him i have received. But i dun bother. I just want him to stop and get himself out of this mess. If my signals are still not clear, i dunno wad else i can do le. I really wan to treat as though nth is wrong between him and i,and to pyscho myself to think that we can still be friends after his confessions to me. BUT i just cant.

Why doesnt he learn his lesson? He doesnt noe that he is adding sorrow to me time and time again. I have NEVER in my enitre life, met this kinda of pestering guy before. Those that i rejected, are now friends with mi. I really appreciate their understanding.why cant he also be like them. Love cant be forced. No matter how many times u confess to me, the bottomline is still the same. It is not possible. Past, present and future.GET IT INTO UR THICK SKULL.

Do i really have to hate him to the core, dun sms him, dun talk to him, sned him hate mails and stuffs to hurt him and myself to get things straight across to him once more? I am really sick and tired of all these. I dun wan to be the bad guy here again. Isn't facing rejection twice enuff for an egolistic guy?? When will he learn to stop imposing on others??!!

I am already mentally drained worrying abt my results and he is not even helping mi with unloading my burden. I feel worse with the confession.If this is wad he wants out of mi, to make mi real ill of him, it may be working after all. Time. I really hope and pray hard that time will soon wash wadeva of mi in his brains. Loss of memory probably is the best way out for two souls which are badly wounded now.

***Karin***

only illusions;

11:50 AM

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Phew... its the 4th day of chinese new year, in another words... Its time to go back to work =( gotta face the boring life again... love all my frens n families n someone hahas... feel so good to b them always. looks like ying is the only one blogging besides me hor. saddening... but its ok, i understand the rest r busy just like me oppx... erm... think she's been underestimating herself, how can she not qualified for U... i hope her hard work does get credits =) dun worry too much *otherwise it will affect your smooth complexion wor hees =P
First day of CNY, i went to my dapo's house as usual... the BIGBIG mansion to bai nian, hahas... after tt i went to my maternal side relative's house for cyn gathering, hmmx as usual we started 'playing with cards' heex... after a few hours, i din win neither did i lose... come to think of it, i play for the sake of playing most of the time... wat matters is we have fun. Just like ytd when my relatives came to my house, i must admit we really had fantastic time playing the 4 cards game laugh like nobody's business, how i wish time would b like this forever.
SO... i wonder when's 4inlurve gng to each oher's house to bai nian... Right now i'm wondering whether we will even get the chance to do it. this year is min's crucial year hor, wanna wish her all the best in her studies. give yourself equal time to play n study, tt's the best solution. then, when it comes to exam, lock yourself in the room w a telephone beside u, this way u can concentrate studying n if u meet any difficulties u can consult your frens =)) oh most importantly, hide the internet connection stuff... if u think u needa destress, play MINESWEEPER or PINBALL... hahahaha its my best companion during exam frankly speaking oppx...
Here's all for me cya gals soon. real soon i hope
===sherlyn===

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only illusions;

8:30 PM

Friday, February 16, 2007

Yesterday was really a fulfilling day for me. Went shopping with my cousin Jasmine. She was having difficulties getting her CNY clothes so i accompanied her to shop and guess wad? Under my "brilliant" recommendations, she got all her CNY in a day!! Wahaha.

Saw a cargo pants at Bugis that is so nice that i cant resist the temptation to make it mine! Haha. Though i already did all my shopping for CNY. But come on! A girl wont mind having another new addition collection to her wardrobe right? Haha. I love shopping =) Jasmine successfully got nice bottoms last minute. Phew.

Literally dragged my feet to the bus stop to wait for the bus which seems to take forever to come. Haix. Got on the bus after waiting for wad seems to be eternity when i heard someone calling out my name. Suprise!! Xiangying.

Chatted with her tru out the whole journey while Jasmine managed to catch some winks on the journey home. Really feel happy to see her. As usual, we tried to catch up with each other's life ever since the last time we met. It was really fun and sweet to see her. Oh boy !! i miss my evil twin, shimin and unfriendly too!! Sob.

Well, i gotta to admit..of all my friends..the most memorable memories i have are still those of secondary school..Indeed, it was one of the most torturous 4 years i have. COnflicts, tears, breakups, betrayal and more..Yet,all i treasure every single of them. To me, my life seems to be colourful due to all these nitty gritty memories that pieced together to form the basis of my character and mentality.

We all grow up in the process. Mostly wiser and for some, more afraid of wad the future may have in store for us. Perhaps when we look back when we are older, we will wish for youth again. i defintely will.Haha. Imagine all the crowfeets slowly creeping their way near ur eyes, wrinkles silently appearing on the initial porcelain skin of urs..Wahaha. Most girls will start shrudding in fear as we visualise the aged us.Lol

Friends are really like stars.They may not be visible in the daylight,yet we all noe they are always shining above us all day long. 365 days and 24 hrs. Rain or shine. I lost some friends in the midst of my life, yet i gained even more friens as i move on from the pain and anguish. U lose and u gain. Seems like a gamble. In fact, making friens is really a gamble. When u make friends, u need to gamble and struggle whether to let urself really into the friendship. U bet on ur feelings, u bet on ur emotions, u bet on the possibilty of getting hurt in the process.. However, it's the moment that the dice are shown to u that u will realise if the bet was worth the reckless decision of urs. Haha. Yet, i nv regret with all the willful and reckless decisions i made. cos each of them made mi attend impt lessons on my life.

Here's to all my friends, thanks for being the stars in my sky and accompanying mi in my own bet on my life. To each and every of u, i cherish and sincerely love the "YOU" in my eyes !! =)

***Karin***

only illusions;

11:51 AM

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Yawn. Right now i am at my workplace trying to evade the boss's scrunity and blogging at the same time. CHINESE NEW YEAR is coming. SO is the results. Ok, so i shall make this post abt the impending DOOMSDAY of mine. >.<

I can imagine myself standing still and trembling with my results in hand and in a daze. Probably i will jus stone there and wait till my itchy hand go open the results to see if i can make it to uni. Haix.

Sometimes i envy Bao. In fact, i admit i admire him for his courage. Results not out yet but he is already in Australia preparing to go to the uni there. Seems to have everything planned and ready for him le. Wonder if i have his courage to convince myself to go overseas uni.

Now preparing for the worse, if i really cannot make it(touch wood), i guess i will either go work or perhaps go NIE. Haix. That's the worse path i can imagine myself to take. Well.. not that i dun like teaching, but jus that i dun really wan it to be my career for life. giving tuition is fine but definitely not a full time educator. I can see myself going bonkers.Haha.

Thinking tru my 2 years mugging in Jc, i guess i can only say 1 yr of mugging cos i played the first yr. Lol. Year 2 proved to be a struggle for me. First, i need to juggle time between cca commitment and also studies. (though i mostly did not really involve myself too much in XAC other than slacking)Second, i need to keep myself awake for all the lectures.=P Poor beattie and huiling are always waking miup when i accidentally doze off somehow. Also, i learnt o take the failing grades positively and convinve myself that i need to wait patiently for results.All these tested my willpower to the max.Imagine only having 5 hrs slp a day.Haix.It was taxing.Thank goodness, i am still alive. Also..the other aspect of my personal life..

I learnt to be strong mentally and that to take things in stride. My civics tutor was understanding enuff toward my situation and allow mi to stay home towards the Prelims period. i was too stressed by those arnd mi and also mostly pressure frm myself. In fact,tru out my studies, i have not been handling stress well.Haha. My friends arnd mi wil be nodding their heads vigorously now.Lol. =P

I am really grateful that i really did STUDY hard for a levels cos i wont wan to disappoint my parents. Wadeva the results are.. it's all settled the minute i put down my pen for the papers. I dun wan myself to keep thinking of the " What If" cos i reckon that it will be too much for mi to take it. Lets just close our eyes and pray that we will see the fruits of our labour at the end of the day..


***Karin***

only illusions;

12:07 PM

Friday, February 9, 2007

This is my second post. Yet , Minli and Shumin are still nowhere in sight!! Sob. Have they forgotten us??!!! Poor Qi and mi. Nvm. =(
Haix. Valentine's Day coming. Somehow i feel kinda empty inside. Perhaps thats how most singles feel i guess. Well, not that i am complaining or whining.Indeed, single is good., cos u need not really bother much abt ur schedule having to complement with the other half. Freedom. But i guess most olso feel that emptiness mounting within u when u see couples strolling down the streets hand in hand. Be it orchard road, or anyway. It feels nice to have someone right beside u. Yes..we have friends that can also serve the role of as companion..however, call it innate instinct or wad..but we are nv complete till we find the other party that is destined to be the one accompanying us till both grow old, have grandchildren and wait till death do us apart. It's kinda like a cycle. But many would pay a hefy price just to get a taste of love. From the Matchmaking agencies springing up one by one and one night stands after clubbing (not all though). Okay...this is a bit of generalising.
The point is.. why do humans want to feel love more from their other partner than love frm friends and family? I noe i am leaving ppl scratching their heads as to why suddenly out of the blue do i suddenly ask this.Haha. Call it the awakening or wad..haha.
Some ppl have gave up secretly to look for their other half cos they prefer to live in an island on their own, or that they cannot imagine another person forming a large part of their lives..Well, i dunno if i agree with them that singlehood is best. Yet, i still believe that somewhere down their heart, the thought of having someone right beside do spring up even for 1 tiny whiny second and then they will nonchantly brush it aside. Guess that i haven master that stage yet.
I am still wating for mine. No. i am not looking. Cos i wont be able to find one. Picky? Haha. Is that the word to say of my expectations of my special one? Nah. I dun think so. I just want someone whom i wont grow tired of just loooking at him every morning when i wake up. I just a special one whom i dare look into the eyes and not afraid to tell him my true thoughts.Is it hard? Perhaps yes to most..but definitely a must for mi. I dun wan to look for love cos i noe i will go to the wrong places to look for it. So to prevent more heartaches, i will rather choose to be the one who is being motivated, not the motivator.
This post is not spelling out how desperate i am. Just wan to make this a post to share my views on the upcoming Valentine's Day. Perhaps my lovely darlings can share their views on this issue as well. Haha. =P


***Karin***

only illusions;

9:44 PM

Friday, February 2, 2007

Haha. After looking at Qi's posting, i almost want to faint.Lol. I not so mean enuff to laugh at u lo, Qi. Anyway, been busy at work these days. My supervisors been real good to me. My boss keep giving mi food to eat and asking mi to eat more.Haha. Suddenly, all is going fine. So need not worry abt mi.=P

16 more days to CNY!! I a still not shopping yet!! Something is real wrong here!! Cant think of anything to buy. These days if one walks down orchard or bugis, u will realise that this season's clothes are mostly polka dots and stripes.Not that they are awful, but i can imagine one street of ppl wearing the same series of clothes. Cant imagine it rite?? But it may just as well happens exactly. Even Forever 21 is also carrying the same series. Haix. Espirit are having their winter series still. Haix. >.<

Well, i am now waiting patiently for my pay day!! Oops..forgot to check out the price of the hair salon at my place there.Sorry Ezanne. I will revert the price to u asap. I promise . Cant wait to look at my pretty daughter Evanne when she go rebond her hair. One chio bu in the making!! Woohoo =)all right, my post is longer than Sherlyn's, so i can slp in peace now. haha.

To the lazy two whom have not post any yet, do post real soon ah!! Or else...muhahaha


***Karin***

only illusions;

10:13 PM

-WE ARE
Sherlyn
Ezanne
Sabrina
Karin

-it's all about us

we are a bunch of super loud girls who are pretty, sweet ,chio and gorgeous darlings.With unique and super different characters,we 4 came together and yet love one another to the max!! *4-in-lurve

-EVERYTHING THAT WE LOVE =)

shopping

singing

day-dreaming

chatting

taking neoprints

having fun under the sun and rain

chatting

laming arnd

watching movies

sleeping!

our special someone =)

4-in-lurve*

-EVERYTHING WE HATE >.<

jerks

insensitive ppl

smokers

liars

creepy crawlies

those that hurt any of us

-EVERYTHING WE WANT :D

more gorgeous clothes

more money!!

-Gossips
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-thankyous


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